Babiez: Ur Doing It Wrong

When I was engaged to my husband, a lot of people asked me, “So, when are you going to have kids?”  Although I generally answered the question with a polite, “We’re going to wait a bit,” the question always puzzled me.  Why were people so inquisitive about something that shouldn’t happened until we at least got married?  And why did they care?

Well, flash forward a year and a half and that blunt question has surprisingly subsided.  However, the inflow of subtle opinions on whether or not we should have a baby hasn’t ceased.  On one side, we have the nay-waiters.  They talk about how wonderful babies are and how God always provides for their families.  They talk about God’s command to be fruitful and multiply and they post articles about the ever shortening biological clock on their Facebook walls.  Whatever the means of communication, the message is clear:  Waiting on purpose is ungodly, starting a family quickly is God-pleasing.

On the other side of the quite opinion battle are the aye-waiters.  They talk about the importance of stability in family life (and while seminary life can be described many ways, stable is not one of them) and how being an older parent gives you more wisdom.  They point out all of the folks who waited well into their thirties to start having kids and they point out how God has given us the means of perhaps waiting a bit before bringing little bundles of joy into the world.  Again, whatever the means of communication, the message is clear:  Waiting is wise, starting a family quickly is foolish.

Whatever the thoughts, I know that as long as I don’t get pregnant their are people quietly frowning their disapproval.  If I were to announce a pregnancy today, there would be people raising a disgruntled eyebrow.  Granted, I find myself doing this from time to time, so really I’m a bit like the pot calling the kettle black.  At any rate, young couples can’t seem to win–no matter what they do, they aren’t doing it right.

Yet there is comfort in the fact that whatever people might think or say, the only persons involved in the decision for us to start having kids are me, my husband, and God.  And quite frankly, when God has a will, He has a way, so no matter what my husband and I do and do not do, God has the final say.  After all, He says in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”  So, final answer on the baby question is that it will happen when God decides it will happen, no matter what my husband and I are planning.



2 Comments on “Babiez: Ur Doing It Wrong”

  1. Audrey says:

    Thank you. As a 20-something wife with no children yet, I can relate. I never realized there would be this much pressure, or that I would start to feel guilty about not having children yet. We love children and hope to have many of them–why do other people care so much that we don't yet?

  2. Katrina says:

    I'm glad that someone else can relate to this. We just have to be patient and try to do what's best for our families!

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