Back to Waiting

Ever since my husband’s day off moved to Monday, I had started creating a routine for myself that almost made me feel busy again.  Since Mondays are now fun days for my husband and me, that meant I only had three lonely days of the week.  With errands, a weekly appointment, meeting a friend for coffee, and several trips to the mechanic to fix a finicky windshield wiper, these three days (actually 2.5 days if I take off for the morning I spend cleaning my boss’s house) have made me feel less lonely and more productive than I did trying to clean the entire house on a weekly basis.  Then there were Fridays–the one day a week that I felt  productive because I worked with the kids.  Things were starting to look good again, or at least manageable.

Then my boss told me last week that due to circumstances beyond his control, my hours are being cut this week–possibly permanently.  Instead of working Fridays every week, I may now only work every other week.  The job that I initially started with 25+ hours a week has already been whittled down to 13-15 hours, and now I might be down to 13-15 hours one week and 3 hours the other week.  I’m not angry at my boss; he feels bad that my hours keep getting cut.  I’m just so frustrated that after months of patiently hoping that I might gain hours, I get a cut in my hours instead.

I’m a little uncertain what to do now.  I don’t plan on quitting my current job–I like the kids, I like my boss.  With a move looming in July, it doesn’t seem reasonable to find another job.  I’ve tried to volunteer at several places–none of them worked out.*  What do I do to fill the empty hours?  What do I do so I can look at myself in the mirror and see an individual who is productive and worthwhile instead of someone who is only waiting, waiting, waiting for this year to end?

*I asked about volunteering at the elementary school when we first moved here; I was more or less told that background checks for volunteers are really expensive.  I tried volunteering at the Human Society; I liked the animals but the people acted like I was a big annoyance every time I tried to ask them a question.  I tried volunteering at the crisis pregnancy center; they never returned my inquiry.  I’m beginning to think that all that talk about agencies always wanting volunteers might be a bunch of B.S. 

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One Comment on “Back to Waiting”

  1. […] to the congregation the reason for my prolonged absence.  They knew my secret of anxiety.  My work hours were continually cut to the point where I can no longer consider myself a nanny–I had become the housewife I […]


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