Getting to Know People at the End of Vicarage. . . Or NotPosted: June 12, 2013
Okay, so I realize that I’m not the easiest person to get to know. I’ve mentioned before that it takes a long time for me to consider a person a friend and that shyness and introversion make socializing difficult. Between these two factors, I feel that I come off a bit. . . prickly, like a cactus (you know, something that you are better off observing from a distance unless you decide to approach very carefully). Despite my prickliness, congregation members still invite my husband and me to do things with them. My husband says that I’m invited as well because people like both of us; I say I’m invited because I’m an accessory for my husband.
Anyway, the last week and a half have been particularly tough. We’ve been receiving more social invitations than we did in the earlier months of vicarage. Really, I should be ecstatic. After months of very limited social interaction, here are people actually taking the time to meet with us one-on-one. This should be perfect for the introvert in me.
But I don’t want to get to know these people better. It’s selfish, but I know with only 6 weeks left before our move that I will get very little in return for the social energy I put out now. I know these people are perfectly nice, but I’m so very tired of trying to get to know new people only to move away. I would rather simply focus on the few friendships I have managed to cultivate this year and not bother with any other socializing.
But that’s bad. That’s ungrateful. That’s close-minded. That’s unloving. That’s unChristian.
Now guilt has started to take hold. I fear that I haven’t done enough this year, that I offended people because I will never really get to know them. I feel guilty that I take so long to warm up to people and that I can’t seem to pull together basic social graces. I worry that my introversion is rapidly forming into anti-socialness. Most of all, I continue to fear that I really can’t manage this whole “pastor’s wife” thing.