Winter ClothingPosted: December 15, 2013
Ladies and gentlemen, you may not have realized this, but in the Midwest we have the winter season. With the winter season comes freezing temperatures, blustery winds, and even snow. Winter comes every year, so obviously it should take us by surprise. I think we should all be flabbergasted when it snows in December. “What, it snows?! Since when? It didn’t do this in June!” Same with freezing temps. “Since when does it dip below 20 degrees? Just 4 months ago it was 90 degrees!”
Since we obviously can’t remember what happens in winter, it’s no surprise that many of us can’t remember what to wear when the frigid winds blow. But have no fear, I have taken the time to illustrate how to properly dress for the cold.
Your winter coat should be warm (which would seem obvious, but you’d be surprised what people try to pass off as winter coats). It should close tightly and should zip or button up to your neck. Also, it should be long enough to cover at least part of your rear–unless you like having a cold butt.
2. Mittens or gloves
Mittens and gloves stop your hands from getting that tingly feeling when your hands get too cold. Mittens are actually a better choice for warmth, but gloves make for easier mobility. You should own at least one pair of waterproof mittens or gloves. NEVER buy gloves for young children, especially if you send them to daycare or preschool–getting their tiny fingers into the tiny fingerholes is a nightmare.
A hat keeps your head and ears warm. What about earmuffs and headbands, you ask? They don’t count. Not only does a hat keep your head warm, it also keeps body heat from leaving. And I know that hats give you hat hair, but deal with it. It’s winter–you can either be fashionable or warm.
A good pair of snow boots keep your feet warm and dry during the coldest and snowiest days. Snow boots should be at least water resistant, if not waterproof. Ugg boots do not meet this standard. Likewise, they should have a good tread so you don’t loose your footing on ice. I learned this the hard way.
A properly worn winter scarf (none of this decorative scarf made of thin materials nonsense) will keep your neck and lower half of your face warm. Scarves are pretty much guaranteed to make you look ridiculous, so you might as well have fun while wearing one. For the Doctor Who fan, you can always go with the Tom Baker look-alike scarf (a bit pricey for my taste, but some people enjoy this sort of thing). Today at church, I saw two little boys with scarves in the shape of snakes. Personally, I went with the ninja look in college–black coat, black hat, black scarf. Hiii-ya!
When you combine all of these pieces together, you’ll look something like this:
Will you look like an idiot? Yes. Will you actually be an idiot? No, because you’ll be dressed warmly while those “cool” looking people will actually just be cold.
Oh, and never, under any circumstances, should you go out in winter like this: